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I'm not a humongous fan of Twilight, so I decided to make fun of all the people who are, and the series itself. XD Don't worry, I'll try not to use very offensive terms. This is just a bit of a warning that the Twilight series is getting out of hand.....well, enjoy!--Shaf Girl 01:18, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

Edward, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle stalked through the forest, their senses alert.

Emmett tapped Carlisle's shoulder. "I smell kitties!"

"Shh!" said Edward. "I can already hear your thoughts!"

Jasper sniffed the air. "Wait a minute...that's not mountain lions. That's a real housecat smell. And from how strong it is, there's a lot of them."

Emmett growled. "I want a big kitty cat, not some stupid domesticated one!"

"Calm yourself, Emmett," said Carlisle. "If there's a lot, we might get a big meal. Let's go check it out."

The four vampires headed towards the strong cat scent at amazing speed.


Leafpool waited at the entrance to her den. She twitched her tail in impatience. Jayfeather should hurry up getting that coltsfoot, she thought.

Just then, Jayfeather burst into camp. "Everyone, hide! There's four really fast Twolegs coming to the camp, and I think they want to eat us!"

"Don't be rediculous, Jayfeather," meowed Squirrelflight. "Twolegs may be strange, but they don't eat cats. Why do you think they would eat us?"

Jayfeather cursed himself. One more move like that, and all the Clan would know about his special power. "Uh, no reason. They all looked hungry. And they're different from other Twolegs. They're fast, and they look strong, especially this gigantic one. He was as big as ten badgers!"

Leafpool knew that Jayfeather's power shouldn't be revealed. "I'm sure he was just dreaming," she mewed. To her luck, the other cats agreed with quiet murmurs and went back to what they were doing. Jayfeather gave her a hideous look.

Hollyleaf came up to Jayfeather, with Lionblaze behind her. "Do they really want to eat us?" she hissed at her brother.

"Of course," mewed Jayfeather. "And one of them--I think he's the youngest--well, I think he has the same power as me. In the split second they passed us, I could somehow...feel him look at me, and he seemed to know my power."

"Did his thoughts say so?" asked Lionblaze.

"He was too focused on the hunt for me to know for sure," answered Jayfeather. "But if I can read his thoughts, and he can read mine, maybe we can negociate."

"It's worth a try," agreed Hollyleaf.

Lionblaze nodded his head. "But you do know that we're going with you."


The vampires stopped and looked out at the old mining hollow. There were cats everywhere, doing all sorts of things, from carrying mouthfuls of moss back to their dens to meowing to each other.

"I don't think that these are normal cats," said Carlisle.

Edward read the cats' thoughts. He had never seen that kind of intelligence before. It was intriguing.

Hello, Twolegs, he heard someone think. He looked over and saw the strange gray cat he had seen while going to the hollow. With the gray cat was a black cat and a golden cat.

"Carlisle," Edward whispered, not taking his eyes off of the cats, "that cat's trying to communicate with us."

Carlisle and Jasper turned around, but unfortunately, Emmett did, too.

"You expect us to eat a snack like that?!" Emmett growled.

"Shut up," muttered Edward through his teeth. "I think that cat has the same power as I do."

Yes, the gray cat thought. I'm Jayfeather, and these are my siblings, Hollyleaf and Lionblaze.

"What are they saying?" asked Jasper.

"I'll tell you when I'm done with them," answered Edward.

Who are you? Jayfeather asked.

"I'm Edward, and this is Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett."

They don't seem to be like normal Twolegs, thought the black cat, Hollyleaf.

"Tell your sister that we're not normal...uh...Twolegs," Edward said to Jayfeather. "That's your name for humans, right?"

What are humans?

"The creatures that stand up on their back legs all the time. I guess that's why you call them Twolegs?"

Yes. But you are not normal...humans, as you call yourselves.

"No," Edward said slowly. He turned to his family. "Should we tell them?"

"Couldn't the cat just...hear what we are in its mind?" asked Jasper thoughtfully.

"I think Jayfeather's--the cat's--mind reading is different than mine," explained Edward. "I think it's more of emotion reading, and then he interprets the emotions as to what we mean."

"Well, I don't see any problem with telling him," said Carlisle. "I believe the Volturi only meant humans when they created the Vampire Rule."

Edward turned to Jayfeather again and took a deep breath. "We're not normal, er, Twolegs. We're vampires. We're basically humans, only more...undead."

Oh, thought Jayfeather, though his thoughts seemed a little confused. So you're like Twoleg StarClan warriors?

"StarClan?"

Our ancestors. When a cat dies, we join our ancestors in Silverpelt--the range of stars in the sky. There they help guide us, and medicine cats like me have to interpret their signs.

"Uh, no," said Edward. "We're not really dead, and we're not spirits. Normally we're more attractive than normal humans, and our skin is cold and hard as granite. We feast on blood--some of us the blood of normal Twolegs, and others the blood of other animals, like me and my family. You can tell which one is which by their eyes. If a vampire has reddish eyes, they drink Twoleg blood. If they have gold eyes, like us, they drink animal blood."

So, you're going to eat us? thought Jayfeather warily.

"Of course not." Edward nearly laughed. "We usually hunt bigger animals, like mountain lions--in case you didn't know, those are cats like you, but they're really big and golden."

Yes, I've heard of one of those named Sharptooth. It was in the mountains, and my mother and father... Jayfeather faltered slightly there. But they're not my real mother and father.

Edward pretended not to hear the last thought. "Yes, well, we usually hunt those. Our bodies work differently, too. Female vampires can't bear children, but males..." He couldn't help but smile. "Well, let's just say that between a vampire male and a human female, it can work."

Emmett guffawed stupidly.

That big Twoleg scares me, thought the golden cat, Lionblaze.

"Tell your brother not to be worried about him," Edward told Jayfeather. "Emmett's just my brother...sort of."

What do you mean? thought Jayfeather.

"Well, we live in this sort of vampire family, called the Cullens. Carlisle's the head, and Jasper and Emmett and I are in it, too, along with our...uh...mates, and my daughter."

I thought that two vampires couldn't have children?

"Well...they can't. But like I said before, a male vampire and a female Twoleg can. Bella--my mate--had Renessmee--my daughter--before Bella became a vampire. And Renessmee isn't even a real vampire, sort of a cross."

Jayfeather tilted his head. Very strange indeed. We cats live in similar types of families, only bigger. There are four Clans here by the lake. My siblings and I belong to ThunderClan, named after our first leader, Thunderstar.

"Alright," said Edward, nodding. "I've never heard cats doing that before, but it sounds cool. Vampires usually don't live in big families like us--usually alone or with their mates. But I guess that we're sort of..." He chuckled. "CarlisleClan."

Carlisle gave a slight smile.

Where is the rest of your family? thought Jayfeather.

"They're back home," answered Edward. "They went on their own hunting trip last week."

Could we meet them? And see where you live?

"Uh..." Edward turned to his family. "Could they come back to Forks with us?"

"Well, not all the cats in the old mining hollow," said Carlisle. "But if these three don't mind, we can bring them on the plane."

Edward turned back to Jayfeather. "You and your siblings can come, but not your whole Clan."

Jayfeather gave a slight purr. This should be interesting.


"Is this really necessary?" Jayfeather meowed to Edward the Twoleg-vampire thing. "Can't we just ride in the area of the flying monster's belly where you are?"

Jayfeather and his siblings were at what Edward called an "airport". He had said something about them going on big "machines" called "airplanes" and that the only way that the cats could go on was in "pet carriers" in a "cargohold". Jayfeather had not gotten a word out of this, so Edward--who, as Jayfeather found really annoying, could see thoughts that were not meant for Edward to hear--explained to him that the airplanes were special types of monsters, like the ones on the gound, that carried Twolegs in their belly. They also carried the Twoleg's stuff in another part of their belly. Cats, dogs, and other animals were supposed to go in the "Twoleg's stuff" area.

No, thought Edward. Well, he actually did speak, so his family could follow along just enough, but it was in Twoleg language, so Jayfeather had to rely on his thoughts and emotions. Jayfeather knew that Edward was getting annoyed at him, but he felt a bit pleased at that.

"I hate this Twoleg thing!" yowled Lionblaze, hitting himself against the wall of the carrier. His constant ruckus had made many Twolegs stare at him, almost as much as they stared at the vampires.

"Why do they keep looking at you like that?" asked Jayfeather as a group of Twoleg females looked at Edward in a dreamy sort of way.

Edward pulled his lips back, exposing his brilliantly white teeth, which Jayfeather had learned by now meant that he was happy and/or amused. Mostly amused. I guess that they think we look good. Emmett's more muscular than a wrestler--and please don't ask what that means--and Carlisle must be the best-looking doctor ever. Not that they know he's a doctor.

Jayfeather had learned that Carlisle was basically a Twoleg medicine cat, a doctor. Despite a vampire's huge instinct for blood, Carlisle had had 7200 moons of practice to make sure that he didn't even flinch at the smell of blood. Jayfeather had learned more about vampires over the past few days, and he had told it all to Hollyleaf and Lionblaze. Well, except for how a normal Twoleg changed into a vampire. He shuddered just thinking about that.

A little more than an hour later, the cats were shoved roughly into the flying monster's belly. There was another animal there, a little dog that, when it caught sight of the cats, barked hysterically.

"Stupid dog," muttered Hollyleaf.

It was a long journey from Britain to Forks, Washington, and Jayfeather hated every minute of it. The plane was very bumpy, and the dog barked constantly. He was very thankful when the plane landed and he was once again being carried by Edward.

More Coming Soon

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