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Warrior cats Smoof in: The Auction (insert drumroll here)

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Essay
This page contains a fan fiction written by Mosswisker&Stealthfire.
This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy.
Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations.
Responses, comments & other feedback should be made on the Talk Page.

Note from writers: Please note that we do not obey the laws of time or space. (or the laws of gravity. Weee! (jumps in the air and floats) )

Also, please leave comments on the talkpage, and rate this comedy!


Rowanclaw (as the auctioneer): Ok, cats, stops ripping each others pelts off! The action's about to begin.

(everyody sits down)

Rowanclaw: The first item on the list is: Scourge's left claw!

Scourge: I knew I was missing one!

Rowanclaw: ...Okay, how much do I have for this fine item?

Darkstripe: I'll give you 5 chipmonks for it!

Squirrlelfight: I'll give you 5 RABBITS for it!

Rowanclaw: SOLD! To the pretty lady!

(Brambleclaw and Ashfur give him a dirty look)

Rowanclaw: (realy fast) Okaymovingon!

Rowanclaw: Now, the next item is: Brambleclaw's pelt!

Brambleclaw: HEY! Give that back!

Squirrelflight: Yea, we don't want to have to stare at THAT every day!

Rowanclaw: (to Brambleclaw) How much are you willing to pay?

Brambleclaw: I'll give you 72 chipmonks for it!

Rowanclaw: Anybody want to top that?

Various cats: No. Uh-uh. Not in a million lifetimes would we want that!

Rowanclaw: SOLD!

Rowanclaw: The next item is: the misssing piece of Tigerstar's ear!

Tigerstar: Why you little...

(Brightheart walks up)

Brightheart: Due to technical difficulties, we now have a new auctioneer: Purdy!

Everyone: Oh no! Not Purdy!

Purdy: Hello, ladies and gents!

(everyone gags)

Purdy: (ignoring this): Our next item is: a hunk of Spottedleaf's fur, found in the Thunderclan camp area!

(Sandstorm glares suspiciously at Firestar, who looks at the ceiling)

Purdy: How much do we have for it?!?

Feathertail: I'll bid a thrush for it!

(Crowfeather jumps up)

Crowfeather: I'll give you 3 blackbirds!

Purdy: Soooollllddd!

Tigerstar: He didn't give ME a chance to bid!

Purdy: To bad, so sad. Next item is: one of Mosswisker's wiskers!

Mosswisker: The next item on the list is: Purdy's Pelt!

Purdy: (quickly) Last item on the list is: Stealthfire's limited edition, gold plated collectable golf club, with a set of tees to go with it!

Stealthfire: (mauls)

While Mosswisker auctions Purdie's pelt, and Stealthfire mauls him, lets sing the "End of the show" song!


Everybody:

This is the end of the show

Incase you didn't know;

Which you really should have

Known by now!

This is the end of the show,

Now lets all do the disco!

(all apprentices): Yay!

Read these! Read them now!

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