Firepaw: (walking up to Graypaw and Sandpaw with Pinestar's spirit) Oh great StarClan, look what I found!
Graypaw: Is that a handsome reddish tom?
Sandpaw: (looking at Firepaw) I know a thing or two about handsome reddish toms, and that's a handsome reddish tom!
Firepaw: He's not just any handsome reddish tom.
Graypaw: Is he the star of the first X-rated animated movie?
(Ten heartbeats later)
Graypaw: (licking several wounds)
Firepaw: (rubbing blood off his claws) Anyway, I just happened to find this tom at the Moonstone. He's Tigerclaw's father, Pinestar!
Graypaw: Wow! Shall we share tongues with him?
Firepaw: I've got a better idea: we'll share tongues with him!
Sandpaw: Oh, what a facinating sharing tongues this will be.
Firepaw: Tell us about Tigerclaw, Pinestar!
Pinestar: Like what?
Firepaw: Well, you obviously watched over him a lot as his father. Tell us about what he did some days.
Pinestar: Okay, I'll tell you about his first day as a warrior, after his vigil. He ate a vole for breakfast. It looked flavorless and watery. I could tell he was thinking of his mother. He was whimpering.
Graypaw: I'm hungry!
Firepaw: What else is new, kittypet? Tell us some interesting stuff, Pinestar!
Pinestar: Well, after that, he traveled through the rain to Carrionplace. He captured some rats there, but didn't kill them. He liked to play his food before he ate it. But while he was tossing them up in the air, one devoured the other and then died of loneliness. Tigerclaw got his anger out by attacking some ShadowClan cats.
Firepaw: This is hilarious!
Sandpaw: What does Tigerclaw think about Firepaw?
Graypaw: You ask some interesting questions--
Pinestar: There was another day, after you came into the Clan, that you did that Twoleg thing where you showed him the middle claw on your paw. When he attempted to punish you, you pushed him into a tree yowling, "Bother! Bother!" over and over. Later you and your gray friend repeated the violent attack until he passed out. That night Tigerclaw talked to StarClan for the first time in 20 moons. He wanted the end.
Firepaw: I remember that, Graypaw. Give me five! (holds up paw)
Graypaw: You already took my fresh-kill, Firepaw.
Pinestar: Another time he lost a whisker. Mousefur pointed it out in front of all the warriors. He yowled, "Oh, cruel attention! Whisker, oh, whisker, where have you fled? Did you stay too long upon my head? If you fell off my muzzle and cease to exist, how I wish I could follow you into the mist! Oh, Goldenflower, let's do some mating!"
Graypaw: What's mating, Firepaw?
Sandpaw: Tell him, Firepaw!
Firepaw: Oh, tell us more stories, Pinestar.
Pinestar: Once, when Tigerclaw was washing off in a rain puddle...
Firepaw, Graypaw, and Sandpaw: Ugh!
Pinestar: ...he fell asleep and had a dream. He was running through a thunderstorm. Every thunderclap, he heard your yowl. "Bother, bother!" Suddenly, it became a Twoleg singing. He was at a Gathering with Sasha.
Firepaw, Graypaw, and Sandpaw: Who's Sasha?
Pinestar: A rogue you will hear of in future adventures. He asked to go hunting with her. She asked him to die. He meowed, "I wish I could, Sasha. I wish I could."
Firepaw: That rogue was awesome!
Pinestar: When he awoke, he was drenched to the skin from the cold water, and he was late for evil scheming with Darkstripe.
Graypaw: What's scheming?
Bluestar: Did some cat meow scheming?
Graypaw: I meowed scheming! How did you know?
Bluestar: What are you chipmunks up to? Training with....oh, Pinestar! You've returned from Twolegplace!
Firepaw: No, Pinestar died, that's his spirit. He's telling us private stories about Tigerclaw.
Bluestar: You don't happen to have any sparrow, do you?
Firepaw: I'm afraid not.
Bluestar: I'm very disappointed in you, Firepaw. (leaves)
Firepaw: Okay, back to the stupid stories!
Pinestar: One time, when Tigerclaw had whitecough, you, gray one, ate the herbs that were meant for him. You vomited it, and all the other apprentices yowled in excitement, causing Tigerclaw to get a headache. He sent you apprentices away and buried your vomit. Then Scourge showed up and bragged about his many mates in Twolegplace. He told Tigerclaw he smelled like mouse bile and left without wishing him a happy birthday. I could tell he was thinking of me, and he whimpered.
Firepaw: This is boring! Let's make up our own story!
Graypaw: That's a really fun idea!
Vicky Holmes: (suddenly appears) Here's a pen specially designed for cats and paper I carry with me at all times. (disappears)
Firepaw: Okay. (begins writing) I am Tigerclaw. I am so sad because I make dirt all the time. I don't have any friends because I stink like mouse bile and dirt. I train Firepaw, and it's really boring because he's so cool, and makes me have depression. Okay, I think I'll go whimper now, because, but not before I make dirt because, bye.
Graypaw: (purrs) Can I try?
Firepaw: Be my guest. (hands the pen to Graypaw)
Sandpaw: Okay, Graypaw, that was a good try.
Tigerclaw: Ugh, someone knocked me unconcious while I was at the Moonstone. Wait a minute, Father! What are you doing here?
Firepaw: Tigerclaw! Graypaw's getting Pinestar to tell him private stories about you!
Tigerclaw: What?! He didn't tell you anything, did he?
Pinestar: Oh, I told him, alright. I told them all.
Tigerclaw: This is against the warrior code!
Graypaw: I like the story about the whisker, Tigerclaw.
Tigerclaw: You...you did?
Graypaw: It made me sad, thinking about that little whisker, lost in the forest. I hope you find your whisker, Tigerclaw.
Tigerclaw: (whimpering) So do I, gray one. So do I.
Graypaw: I like whiskers!