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Essay
This page contains a fan fiction written by Mosswisker&Stealthfire.
This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy.
Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations.
Responses, comments & other feedback should be made on the Talk Page.

Note from writers: Please note that we do not obey the laws of time or space. (or the laws of gravity. Weee! (jumps in the air and floats) )

Check out our userlookup for a list of the other smoofs we have made.

Also, please leave comments on the talkpage, and rate this comedy!

NOTE: Sorry the smoof was so late, but we have a special suprise for you guys! REALLY! WE'RE NOT KIDDING YOU THIS TIME!


Tigerstar's Diary (journal):

6:01 - 6:02 A.M.: Kill everybody in the forest except Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost.

6:02 - 6:03 A.M.: Kill Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost.

6:04 A.M.: Build giant Bonehill out of every bone that has ever been in the forest (and them some!).

6:05 - 6:06 A.M.: Try to climb up giant Bonehill. Relized this is impossible, and created a bone avalanche in the process.

6:07 A.M.: Uncovered reality of the universe.

6:08 A.M.: Blow up the universe, and try to figure out a way to survive during this process.

6:09 A.M: Relized this is impossible.

6:10 A.M. Die (again!)

For the rest of the day, repeat same process every 10 minutes.

Note to self: Figure out where Scourge got that awesome dog collar.


Firestar's Journal (Diary):

9:03 A.M.: Wake up.

9:09 A.M.: Actually wake up.

9:10 A.M.: Wonder why mid-day patrol is leaving.

9:11 A.m.: Eat 3 pieces of freshkill before everybody else. (Who cares about the Warrior Code!)

9:12 A.M.: Get yelled at by all the elders.

9:13 A.M.: Send Ashfur to distract the Elder's anger.

9:14 A.M.: Return to go hunting before Elders get done killing Ashfur.

9:15 A.M.: Sneak over to Shadowclan Camp for no reason.

9:16 A.M.: Sneak over to Windclan Camp for no reason.

9:17 A.M.: Sneak over to Riverclan Camp to visit Graystripe.

30 Seconds later: Remember after being chased away that Graystripe is not in Riverclan anymore.

9:18 A.M. Go back to Thunderclan Camp.

9:19 A.M.: Yell at everybody in vicinity for no appearent reason.

9:20 A.M.: Get another piece of freshkill; use Lionblaze for scapegoat for angery elders.

9:21 A.M.: Go on wild rampage; destroy every lighbulb between Shadowclan and the Twoleg place. LIGHTBULBS ARE EVIL BECAUSE THEY ARE BRIGHTER THAN MY PELT! RAWR!

9:22 A.M.: Finished early because there was only 1 lightbulb between here and the Twoleg place.

9:23 A.M.: Go to Cinderpelt to treat lightbulb-induced injuries.

10:00 A.M.: Recieved Cinderpelt's rebuke about lightbulb induced injuries.

10:01 A.M.: Recieved Sandstorm's rebuke about lightbulb induced injuries.

10:02 A.M.: Went to Highstones to share tongues with Spottedleaf and escape Sandstorm's wrath.

10:03 A.M.: Got Bluestar's rebuke about lightbuld-induced inguries.

10:04 A.M.: Recieved Redtail's rebuke about lightbulb induced injuries.

10:05 A.M.: Recieved Lionheart's rebuke about lightbulb induced injuries.

10:06 A.M.: DID NOT revieve Tigerstar's rebuke about injuries.

10:07 A.M.: Recieved rebuke about injuries from all of Starclan.

10:08 A.M.: Recieved 79 omens, 6 warnings, and 3 prophecies from Starclan.

10:09 A.M.: Share tongues with spottedleaf again.

10:10 A.M.: Share tongues with Spottedleaf some more.

10:11 A.M.: Share tongues with Spottedleaf some more.

10:12 A.M.: Kill self to aviod getting Sandstorm's rebuke about sharing tongues with Spottedleaf.

10:13 A.M.: Relized as a leader I have 9 lives.

10:14 A.M.: Recieve Starclan's rebuke about forgetting I had 9 lives.

10:15 A.M.: Went back to camp and went to sleep so I could share tonges with Spottedleaf again.

10:16 A.M.: Recieved Brambleclaw's rebuke about sleeping on my job.

10:17 A.M.: Claw Brambleclaw's eyes out.


Repeat daily.

Note to self: Find out what twoleg created the lightbulb so I can destroy them all in one swipe.


Leafpool's Memos to Self

10:00 A.M.: "Wake up."

10:01 A.M.: Recieve trance-like vision from Spottedleaf.

12:00 P.M.: End translike vision from Spottedleaf.

12:01 P.M.: Attempt to enterperate Spottedleaf's vision.

12:02 P.M.: Fall asleep to recieve guidance from Starclan about Spottedleaf's vision.

12:05 P.M.: Share tounges with Darkstripe.

12:06 P.M.: Relize Darkstripe is evil and leave.

12:07 P.M.: Realize I am not asleep!

12:08 P.M.: Consider possiblity of being dead.

1:30 P.M.: Consider cons of being dead.

1:31 P.M.: Consider how much shorted the pros are than the cons.

1:32 P.M.: Relize I was in trace and was niether asleep nor awake!!!

1:33 P.M.: Consider if Crowfeather loves me.

1:34 P.M.: Consider if Crowfeather doesn't love me.

1:35 P.M.: Consider if Crowfeather only like me as a friend.

1:36 P.M.: Prevent Jayfeather from burning down medicine cat's den.

1:37 P.M.: Treat hordes of angry clanmates who have been needing medical attention since 10 A.M.

2:78 P.M.: Relieze this time does not exist.

3:30 P.M. to 10:00 A.M.: Sleep.

Note: Try to figure out how I know what a "Memo" is.


Squirrelflights buk of NcreDbL Funess!!11!*

@ 2:00 M - 1:59 M: Run rownd entire forest unconrollably.

@ 1:59 M - 2:00 M: lIk slp.

@ 2:00 M - 2:01 M: Bother Brambleclaw.

@ 2:01 M - 2:02 M: Bother Leafpool.

@ 2:02 M - 2:03 M: Bother Mothwing.

@ 2:03 M - 3:00 PM: Bother evry C@ n d forest.

@ 2:04 PM - 5:00 PM: Bother self.

@ 5:00 PM - 8:00 PM: & thN som!

@ 8:00 PM - 2:00 M: Record mesage n Squirrelflights bok of NcreDbL Funess!11!!!

nOt: figur out wot NRG drinks R mAd of.

nOt: Y didnt I wrte "repEt 60 tImz daily?"

nOt: wot n d nAm of Starclan R nOtz?

nOt: Y do I kEp writiN nOtz NEway?


Note: *Brightheart walks up*: Do to technicle difficuties, and in order in keep the smoof under 55 pages, I will now start my version of "The End of the Show Song."

This is practicly the end of the smoof, Incase you did not figure it out, And if you didn't you must have thisle down for brains! This is the pracitcly the end of the smoof, Incase you didn't know, Now let us all do the disco!

All apprentices: *throws rotten tomatoes at her* BOO!!!



  • If you are 99% of the world and cannot understand chatspeak, here is the translation:


Squirrelflights book of incredible Funess!

@ 2:00 A.M. - 1:59 A.M.: Run around entire forest unconrollably.

@ 1:59 A.M. - 2:00 A.M.: Sleep.

@ 2:00 A.M. - 2:01 A.M.: Bother Brambleclaw.

@ 2:01 A.M. - 2:02 A.M.: Bother Leafpool.

@ 2:02 A.M. - 2:03 A.M.: Bother Mothwing.

@ 2:03 A.M. - 3:00 P.M.: Bother every cat in the forest.

@ 2:04 P.M. - 5:00 P.M.: Bother self.

@ 5:00 P.M. - 8:00 P.M.: And then some!

@ 8:00 P.M. - 2:00 A.M.: Record message in Squirrelflight's Book of Incredible Funess!

Note: Figure out what energy drinks are made of.

Note: Why didnt I write "repeat 60 times daily?"

Note: What in the name of Starclan are notes?

Note: Why do I keep writing notes anyway?

Read these! Read them now!

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