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Warrior Cats Smoof in: Christmas Caroling

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Essay
This page contains a fan fiction written by Mosswisker&Stealthfire.
This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy.
Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations.
Responses, comments & other feedback should be made on the Talk Page.

Note from writers: Please note that we do not obey the laws of time or space. (or the laws of gravity. Weee! (jumps in the air and floats) )

Check out our userlookup for a list of the other smoofs we have made.

Also, please leave comments on the talkpage, and rate this comedy!


Squirrelflight: Welcome to the first ever Warriors Caroling Session! In June! We have a special treat today; the most famous pop star in the Clans will be singing for us right…

(Brambleclaw walks up; whispers in ear)

Squirrelflight (to Brambleclaw): WELL, TELL HER TO HURRY IT UP A BIT!!! (to audience): It seems our pop star is having a wardrobe malfunction.

Snowkit: Two questions: How can I hear, and what’s a wardrobe?

Squirrelflight: Take it up with Starclan, and go ask Speckletail. (continuing) In the meantime, we have nothing else planned, so if you’ll all just…

(Brambleclaw walks up and whispers in ear again)

Squirrelflight (exasperated): The things I do for high ratings. (louder) It turns out we do have temporary entertainment! The Dark Forest Choir! Give it up, or tell them to, I don’t really care which!

Everyone: Give it up!

(Tigerstar, Darkstripe, Brokenstar, Jaggedtooth, Brick, Bone, Hawkfrost, and Scourge walk up. Clawface conducts)

(Tune: Hark the Herald Angels Sing)

Hark, the Starclan warriors sing,
Glory Firestar is king,
Pelt so red and eyes so green,
Kittypet origins unseen,
Saved Windclan from exile,
Saved his own Clan from the fire,
“Wait a sec!” Sandstorm exclaims,
“Why is he sitting next to Spottedleaf?”
While the quarrelling she-cats fight,
Worship Firestar on high!

Squirrelflight: Wow, that really wasn’t as bad as I expected!

Sandstorm: Wait—He is sitting next to Spottedleaf!

Squirrelflight: Take it up after the show, Mom. Next song!

Clawface: This time we’re adding a cute little kit chorus who’s parts are in parentheses!

(Group of kits gather around Scourge. Begin poking)

Scourge: I hate kits.

(Tune: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)

You know Shadestar and Shadowstar and Hollystar and Dawnstar,
Raggedstar and Brokenstar and Nightstar and Blackstar,
But do you recall,
The most infamous Shadowclan leader of all…
Tigerstar, the dark brown tabby,
(tabby)
Was as evil as can be,
(more than Brokenstar!)
And if you ever annoyed him,
(annoyed him)
Run and run and run away!
(faster than Windclan!)
All of the other leaders,
(leaders)
Hated him without any cause,
(especially Firestar)
They never let poor Tigerstar,
(Tigerstar)
Prove his loyalty to the warrior code!
(and this is Thunderclan!)
Then just after one moonhigh,
Bloodclan came to say,
(With their dog claws!)
‘Tigerstar, you’ve got so much might,
Won’t you lead our clan tonight?’
Scourge didn’t like this at all,
(at all)
So he leaped on Tigerstar,
(Tigerstar)
And Tigerstar saved the day for Firestar,
(unwilling)
By revealing Scourge’s deadly claws!
(made with dog claws!)

Clawface: Tigerstar, your alto notes seemed a bit flat on that piece.

Tigerstar: -------------------- (We figured you could figure this bit out for yourself.)

(Brightheart walks up)

Brightheart: Due to technical difficulties, we now have a new conductor: Purdy!

Everyone: (Takes in deep breath)

Brightheart: No no, wait, we got in trouble for that last time, remember?

Everyone: (Exhales slowly)

Random apprentice: Awwwww…

Purdy: Before we sing the next carol, I would like to perform a dramatic reading.

Everyone: (Gags)

Purdy: (Ignores. Clears throat) ‘Twas the last night of leaf-fall, and all through the den…

Everyone: (Snores)

Purdy: (Drones on) …and they heard Bluestar exclaim, as she blew out of sight, ‘Happy leaf-bare to all, and to all, a good moonhigh!’

Bluestar: Bravo, well done! Encore!

Squirrelflight and various other cats: Is she serious? Honestly?

Firestar: It’s only because she got mentioned.

General Population: Ohhhh…

Tortoiseshell she-cat: ‘Cause that made perfect sense!

Light brown she-cat: You said it!

Purdy: Now I’ll be happy to conduct the Dark Forest Choir!

Squirrelflight: Even so, don’t change that channel, folks! We only have to sit through a few more songs before our pop star gets here! Really!

Kits: Is it true you killed Tigerstar with one swipe?

Scourge: (unaware of all things before this): Hey, they are cute.

(Various cats in choir look at him)

Scourge: (defensively) Well, they are!

Tigerstar: (Rolls eyes)

(Tune: We Wish You a Merry Christmas)

We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
From the Place of No Stars!
Bad tidings we send,
To you and your kin,
Bad tidings from Tigerstar,
Darkstripe and Clawface as well!
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
From the Place of No Stars!
Now bring us some figgy pudding,
Now bring us some figgy pudding,
Now bring us some figgy pudding,
Though we don’t know what that is!
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
We wish you an evil leaf-bare,
And an ugly pelt too!

Squirelflight: Now, if you’re all still alive, here’s the she-cat you’ve all been waiting for: Toms and She-cats, give it up for LEAFPOOL!!!!!!!!!

(Smoke bomb. Leafpool appears in the midst of it) You will now be deafened by cheering from Crowfeather.

(Tune: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause)

Snowflakes fall all over the place!
Little Willowkit wears a funny grin upon her face,
For Willowkit has a secret and this secret she must share,
She wants to tell somebody, so she tells that she-cat there:
“I saw Firestar sharing tongues with Spottedleaf,
In a dream I had the other night,
They didn’t see me creep ‘round the tree to have a peep,
They thought that I was still back in the nursery fast asleep,
Then I saw Yellowfang lecture Spottedleaf,
And I watched Firestar slowly slink away,
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Sandstorm had only seen,
Firestar sharing tongues with Spottedleaf!”

Everyone: (Cheers. Loudly)

Leafpool: Thank you, thank you! I owe it all to my sister, my parents, and my wardrobe! Now let’s all sing a song together before we have to go!

Sandstorm: (preoccupied) Willowkit never told me that!

(Mosswhisker and Stealthfire appear)

Mosswhisker: Neither one of us is writing the whole song!

Stealthfire: So you can deal with that!

(Tune: The Twelve Days of Christmas)

On the first day of leaf-bare, The Dark Forest gave to me,
The fires that destroyed Thunderclan’s camps!
(Patchpelt runs away screaming)
On the second… Two drinks of poisoned water,
(Morningflower runs away screaming)
On the third… Three Twoleg monsters,
(Cinderpelt runs away screaming)
On the fourth… Four packs of dogs,
(Bluestar runs away screaming)
On the fifth… Five deathberries,
(Sorreltail runs away screaming)
On the sixth… Six outbreaks of greencough,
(Heavystep runs away screaming)
On the seventh… Seven angry badgers,
(Willowpelt runs away screaming)
On the eighth… Eight hawks a-swooping,
(Brook Where Small Fish Swim runs away screaming)
On the ninth… Nine attacks from Bloodclan,
(Tigerstar slides away slowly)
On the tenth… Ten flooding rivers,
(Whiteclaw runs away screaming)
On the eleventh… Eleven venomous adders,
(Adderkit runs away screaming)
On the twelfth day of leaf-bare, The Dark Forest gave to me,
Twelve swarms of rats,
(Rainfur runs away screaming)
Eleven venomous adders,
Ten flooding rivers,
Nine attacks from Bloodclan,
Eight hawks a-swooping,
Seven angry badgers,
Six outbreaks of greencough,
Five deathberries,
Four packs of dogs,
Three Twoleg monsters,
Two drinks of poisoned water,
And the fires that destroyed Thunderclan’s camps!

Leafpool: Hey, where’d everybody go? Anyways, that’s great everyone! Now here’s my hit, and goodnight everybody!

(Tune: UNKNOWN)

This is the end of the show,
In case you didn’t know,
But you really should have known by now!
This is the end of the show,
So let’s all open presents now!
All apprentices plus Brambleclaw: Yay!

Read these! Read them now!

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