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Essay
This page contains a fan fiction written by Maple.
This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy.
Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations.
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I know, I know, more of this redicouslness. LOL. Maple 14:54, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, YEAH!! ZaffieEvil is Rising 21:50, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Chapter 1: We start exactly where we left off

Brambleclaw padded around the old warrior's den.

"This place is way too small." he grumbled. "Where did all these weird extra warriors come from anyway?"

Mousefur shrugged.

"This seems odd." Brambleclaw mused. "I mean, first two random cats appear, do strange things then disappear, and I was sure we lived by a lake, and you keep popping up everywhere without it being explained how you got there. I'm going to talk to Jayfeather about this."

Mousefur nodded encouragingly.

A ginger she-cat popped out of nowhere. "We're back!" she yowled. She looked around. "I swear I had Zaffie beside me when we left..."

"I'm here too!" Zaffie exclaimed, reappearing beside Maplefern. "And the bottomless pit fixed me! I am no longer an alien or a Twoleg!"

"Who are these cats?" Firestar asked, coming over to Brambleclaw. "Have you asked them to join our Clan yet?"

Mousefur groaned.

"Hey, Maplefern! What say you we go wreak havoc on other Clans?" Zaffie asked eagerly.

"Sure, so long as it involves Leopardstar doing the maracrana into ThunderClan Camp," Maplefern replied.

"Fine by me!" Zaffie nodded, with an evil grin.

Maplefern frowned at her.

"Fine, ok, I know cats can't grin." Zaffie sighed, and had to settle for an amused purr.

"WHAT CAN I DO?" yelled Shrewpaw the top of his lungs.

"I don't know." Maplefern and Zaffie headed off to RiverClan Camp.

Brambleclaw curled back up, reading a book, which was printed in Twoleg. "Hey, Firestar, is this your biography?"

Firestar looked at the cover. Into the Wild. "Yuup."

Cherrykit walked over. "Why can Zaffie turn into a Twoleg, and is he staying with us?"

Chapter 2: Shrewpaw's Impaitence grows...And Leopardstar is embarrased.

Suddenly, Zaffie appeared beside Cherrykit in an irritated manner.

"One, who are you?" she growled. "Two, I can't turn into a Twoleg anymore, the bottomless pit fixed me. And three, I'm a SHE!"

Maplefern dragged Zaffie back to the RiverClan camp, Shrewpaw trailing miserably along behind them.

Zaffie saw Leopardstar reading The Fourth Apprentice. "Does she die in that one?" Zaffie asked Maplefern. "I haven't read it yet. Australia is slow at getting warriors books."

"Nah, that's Fading Echoes," Maplefern said. She walked over to Leopardstar. "Hi there, we need you."

Zaffie dragged Leopardstar out of camp. "Now do the macarana."

Maplefern cued the cheesy music and Leopardstar began dancing. She's got 4 left paws, muttered Maplefern.

"Follow me," said Zaffie, leading Leopardstar and Shrewpaw towards ThunderClan Camp.


The four cats returned to ThunderClan camp. Leopardstar didn't even realize she was dancing in the middle of all the cats of ThunderClan.

"Tee hee hee." cackled Zaffie.

Maplefern gave her the look.

"Ok, ok, I know cats can't cackle either." Zaffie sulked. "Cats can't do anything fun."

"Yeah they can," said Maplefern, laughing.

The entire Clan was laughing/snickering at Leopardstar doing the macarana. She suddenly stopped to sneeze.

The Clan laughed even harder. Leopardstar finally realized she was in front of an audience. Annoyingly enough, Zaffie wasn't quite sure what Leopardstar should do here.

"Drat!" Leopardstar yowled, and fled the camp. As she left, Shrewpaw tripped her up. Leopardstar landed on her head, broke her neck, and died several books too early.

"See what you did, Zaffie?" Maplefern asked grumpily.

"It wasn't me, it was Shrewpaw!" Zaffie defended herself. Both awesome authors turned to look accusingly at the apprentice.

"I just wanted to point out that no one has answered my question!" Shrewpaw shrieked.

Zaffie and Maplefern turned away.

"I see your point." Maplefern agreed.

Chapter 3: Birchfall finds his Baby sisters

Meanwhile, nearby, Hollykit and Larchkit were playing with their brother, Birchfall. Because of a slight issue in time and space, Birchfall was a warrior while they were kits, but all three cats were ignoring that.

"Hey Birchfall, I can run faster than you can!" Hollykit squeaked.

"Sure." scoffed Birchfall. "When badgers fly."

There was a noise like car brakes squealing, and the whole world froze, except for Zaffie and Maplefern.

"Great." Maplefern muttered. "Now we have to see what happens when badgers fly instead."

"That was a baaaaad metaphor, Birchfall." Zaffie scolded.

(A/N: You want to make them fly? Maple)

"I agree. We have to be careful what we say, or else..." said Maplefern, looking up at the sky.

(A/N: I don't mind, but it would be fun. You choose. Zaf)

All of a sudden, a badger with wings came crashing down on Longtail, cutting off his 'long' tail.

"Maybe you should be call Short-tail," said Firestar, the leaped up on highledge.

"StarClan, I ask you to take this cat's name away. It no longer represents who he is."

No-name was nameless, and very depressed for a few heartbeats.

"From now on you will be known a Short-tail."

"Short-tail! Short-tail!" The clans cheered.

"Stop it!" yowled a cat.

Mousefur.

End of Book 2. The next book will be Called...Duck! Wait a minute, this is about Hedgehogs...

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