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Essay
This page contains a fan fiction written by Maple.
This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy.
Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations.
Responses, comments & other feedback should be made on the Talk Page.

Note: All insults were written by Blackstar. Please be aware of that.

A Roadtrip

"Hi, I'm Lakepaw, and I'll be you guide for today," I said. "So, who so we have? Firestar - yup. Jayfeather - yup. Brambleclaw - yes. Graystripe - Mm-mm. Daisy and Ferncloud - okay."

Foxdung! I need to put up those 2 pesky she-cats! I thought to myself.

Yes, I'm a she-cat. No, I don't like Ferncloud and Daisy.

"Single file, into the Twoleg Monster. No, Graystripe, this won't take you away. Besides, we have Firestar with us," I said.

Driving past the abonded Twoleg Nest, Ferncloud started itching a flea.

"You have fleas?" I asked.

Ferncloud blinked. "I really couldn't say."

I rolled my eyes.

Near the ShadowClan boarder, we approached a sign that said:

Welcome to ShadowClan Territory
Get away from ^

What a friendly sign, I thought.

I recognized the handwriting as Blackstar's.

Just then, and ginger tom walked up.

"Howdy, folks! I'm Rowanclaw. Ain't it a great day?"

"Umm, yes. We need to get through..." I began, but he cut me off.

"Y'know, I was a girl a one point. And know I'm a tom."

"How did you become a she-cat?"

"I don't know. You know we have Twolegs following us, and they get confused reguarly."

Now this I didn't know.

"They kill all the pretty young she-cats, y'know."

I blinked. Was I next?

"First Spottedleaf."

Firestar started wailing.

"Then Silverstream."

Graystripe started.

"Feathertail."

In WindClan Territory, Crowfeather was wailing.

"Oh, be quiet," I muttered.

"But they also killed some evil cats, or made us kill them."

Everybody burst into cheers.

I rolled my eyes again.

"They also give us the same name. For example, Blackstar always has an urge to name a Snakepaw Snaketail."

All they other cats in the bus looked at him.

"Anyway, I'll let you go."

Thank StarClan! I muttered.

ShadowClan's exiting sign said:


Thanks for travelling through ShadowClan Territory
Thanks for getting out of/staying away from ^

Now we were driving into RiverClan territory. The sign here said:

Welcome to RiverClan Territory!
Land of the fish-breaths ^

This Blackstar was clever. Even though I was a medicine cat apprentice, I wanted to claw him.

"Hello, there," said Leopardstar in a haughty accent. "It is my accaquiantence to meet you."

"Leopardstar, what's wrong with you?" asked Firestar.

Leopardstar ignored him. "Anyway, I shall lead you to the Drive-through."

What's a drive through? I asked myself.

I found out soon enough. First Heavystep III (aka Heavystep, who died twice of greencough and still appeared in Sunrise) asked us if we wanted "cheeseburgers." I declined the offer. Then he offered us "soda". Firestar had some and declared it was delicious.

I listened to Daisy's and Ferncloud's conversation that followed.

Daisy: You know, there should be a kit named Cheesekit.

Ferncloud: Don't forget Sodakit and Burgerkit.

I yawned. Did all these she-cats talk about were kits?

We saw the ShadowClan tour bus behind us. From what I saw, they bought around 63 cheeseburgers and 82 soda. Watch out for screaming kits, I thought.

Sure enough, that's what happened. Littlecloud came running over to us, asking for yarrow.

I shoved some towards him. "Happy?" I asked.

"Very." he bounded away.

Next we came out of RiverClan Territory, and I read the sign.

Thank you for travelling through RiverClan Territory!
I'm surprised you SURVIVED. Fish burgers, anyone?

I truly had no comment on that sign.

We started moving through WindClan territory. As we entered, I noticed a sign.

Welcome to WindClan!

Ashfoot was standing there, hammering it into the ground. She had a bunch of nails in her mouth.

"Oh, hello there!" she said. "Welcome to our lovely clan!"

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