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Essay
This page contains a fan fiction written by Autumn Leaves.
This page contains the opinions of the original author(s), and is not patrolled for factual accuracy.
Remember that this story is non-canon. It may contain false characters, plots, or locations.
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Songfic by Midnight. OA is Portishead. Song is Road.

This is about Dawn of the Clans. Skips around the times of Thunder Rising and the beginning and the middle of The First Battle. Some Spoilers ahead.

Some are non canon here.

Enjoy!

Italics are thoughts.

Bold italics are the song.


Ohh, can't anybody see,

"He was my brother!" Gray Wing said aloud to himself. "And now I can't recognize him. What type of monster did he become?"

Turtle Tail walked up to him, resting a tail on his shoulder. "Fumbling about Clear Sky again?"

Gray Wing nodded helplessly.

"Maybe a walk will clear your thoughts. Don't go too hard on yourself; you already have trouble breathing and the stress about being leader... I don't care if you are being joint leaders with Tall Shadow," Turtle Tail fussed.

"I don't need a walk," Gray Wing protested.

"Then don't come towards me when you need a walk, Gray Wing," Turtle Tail replied.

"Turtle Tail! I want you for a hunting patrol!" Tall Shadow's voice rang out in the hollow. Turtle Tail raced away to find her.

Gray Wing paced around the hollow. We were so close once, but something made us change, he thought. He had slaughtered so many cats... Is he really innocent? Or is his greed exceeding beyond what he can control?

"Father!" Gray Wing turned around, seeing Sparrow Fur running up towards him.

They don't know the truth yet, Gray Wing sighed softly. Tom was never a father towards them.

"You promised that you will teach me to finally catch a hare!" Owl Eyes added, his eyes big and innocent.

"I will catch one bigger than yours, Owl Eyes," Sparrow Fur boasted.

"Will not," Owl Eyes retorted.

"Will too," Sparrow Fur growled back.

Gray Wing smiled. Clear Sky is a lot like that... No, was.

We've got a war to fight,

'"Come on, Gray Wing! Let's climb up that pile of pebbles!" Clear Sky's voice was playful.

Gray Wing saw his mother, Quiet Rain, watching close by, smiling softly with pride for her kits. "You are crowfood!" Gray Wing shouted back.

"Wake up, Gray Wing! I need to show you something," a familiar voice made Gray Wing jerk up.

"What is it?" Gray Wing asked cautiously.

Turtle Tail looked solemn. "It seems like Clear Sky had murdered some cats."

Murdered? Where is that light hearted brother? Did he go so far?

"Murdered?" My voice echoed my thoughts.

"Most likely murdered. Two rogues scents are over it. And Clear Sky's scent too."

Never found our way,

Regardless of what they say,

Clear Sky glanced at the trespassers impatiently. They were trespassing!

"Leave, or you will be very sorry," he snarled and his claws started sliding out.

The two cats were definitely stubborn and will not leave Clear Sky's territory.

"It was our land first before the mountain cats barged in. How about us pushing you away from our territory?" The brown tabby, Kestrel, growled defiantly.

"Yeah, Mr. Bossycat. But if you are so addicted to your territory, why don't you just keep it where it is, not move it? You say your cats are starving but they look fat to me," the younger gray she cat, Grass, sneered.

Clear Sky couldn't take it anymore.

"Thorn and Snake, attack!" he snarled.

How can it feel, this wrong,

Gray Wing glanced down at the two bodies.

"I knew them," Gorse Fur said in grief. "That brown tabby is my cousin. His name is Kestrel and he was the one who told me about the moor. I wouldn't be here without him."

"And I knew Grass." A new voice said somberly at Gray Wing.

He glanced back, seeing River Ripple. His usually tidiness was gone, replaced with emptiness that may not ever be replaced.

"She was my sister."

So many lives ripped away. Misty, Bumble... so many.

Gray Wing commanded, "Bury those two, then we must leave."

I don't want to stand being in Clear Sky's territory any longer. This isn't him. This is a monster.

From this moment,

How can it feel, this wrong,

This is wrong.

Feels wrong. My brethren was my enemy? Unthinkable. But yet, this is somewhere other than the mountains.

The impossible are possible.

Elder tales are coming true.

Gray Wing plopped down on a rock.

"Turtle Tail isn't here. Shaded Moss isn't. Bright Stream isn't. They all should be here."

Storm.. in the morning light,

"Two things drive all creatures. Fear and greed."

Those words made Gray Wing think.

Tall Shadow's words were wise. But which one drives Clear Sky?

Greed... or maybe is he scared of the Moorland Cats?

All the cats will choose greed. We are scared of him.'

I can't rely on Turtle Tail anymore. She is dead.

The words struck Gray Wing hard. Maybe this suffering can end.

No point of winning the battle. No. I must stay strong. But there must be plan B.

I feel,

No more can I say,

Frozen to myself.

"Just give in!" The words were bitter and harsh.

Gray Wing knew the truth.

Clear Sky was no longer his brother. He is driven by fury and... and... greed. And fear.

Gray Wing had no longer had the will to stand. Jackdaw's Cry and his littermate just killed each other.

Gray Wing must stay strong to the end.

"Never."

I have too.

I got nobody on my side,

Batting Clear Sky's paws didn't work.

"Give in!"

Time for plan B. Sorry Thunder. Sorry Sparrow Fur and Pebble Heart and Owl Eyes. Sorry everyone.

No one is here anymore. I feel that Turtle Tail shouldn't have died.

"Kill me. Kill me and live with the memory."

A collective gasp spreaded along the group.

Gray Wing knew that this was the end.

And surely that ain't right,

And surely that ain't right,

Gray Wing couldn't believe that he was still speaking words.

"Then tell the stars that you won."

Gray Wing couldn't hear what Clear Sky's reply was. But after he finished speaking, Gray Wing staggered towards him.

"You want to tell every cat what to do." It was getting harder to breathe.

Make this my last words.

"You always have and you always will. You are so greedy for power, you'll kill your littermate to get it."

Once the words left his mouth, he knew that that wasn't true.

But he needed the words off of his mouth for once.

Then he waited for the blow that never came.

Ohh, can't anybody see

Storm. She was here.

Clear Sky saw a flicker of gray fur. First, he thought it was just the eyes tricking him.

Clear Sky still couldn't believe what he had done. He admitted that he was weak. He spared his brother.

Gray Wing was right. He was the only one who saw through him.

No, not the only one. Maybe that kit he saw once. Pebble Heart? And maybe Thunder.

I wished they forgave me.

Greed made Clear Sky run.

Then I saw the image of Storm.

"Storm! Is that you?"

We've got a war to fight,

Insults were thrown at Clear Sky.

Somehow, he found himself face to face with Turtle Tail.

"Killing only leads to more killing."

And he knew that she wasn't lying. It did.

Spirits was swirling around him.

He then realized something.

He did keep his silent oath to give his brother war. But it only lead to more killing.

Never found our way

Gray Wing was surprised that he was alive.

But he didn't say anything. But he was puzzled.

The dead cats were alive. Or acted like they were.

And Turtle Tail was her own self. He was glad.

It didn't end like he thought it would. But it ended with casualties.

And Storm was so wise all of the sudden like she was the Stoneteller of these cats. "Don't let these deaths be wasted. This must never happen again."

Of course these deaths weren't in vain.

But Gray Wing wasn't so sure himself.

Regardless of what they say

How can it feel, this wrong

Clear Sky didn't know if to laugh or shout or just stay quiet.

He stuck with the third one.

This didn't end how he intended it to. But at least they have a start.

A new beginning is about to turn for them.

He just knew. He have no idea but he just knew.

From this moment

How can it feel, this wrong...

Finally. Justice has been served.

Storm's eyes was getting ready to fall asleep on that comfortable rock. Moon Shadow named it Warm Rocks.

It was warm after all.

Her mind whirled towards another subject.

I wasn't mistaken about Clear Sky about his power. About his leadership.

"You did well, Storm."

Storm glanced up, seeing Shaded Moss with his eyes looking tired.

"We need to name this afterlife place. This place is holding a vote. Bother to come?"

Storm nodded.

"By the way, do you have a name for this place?"

A name click into her mind.

"Do you?"

How can it feel, this wrong

This moment

How can it feel, this wrong

"I have the perfect name. StarClan. Not the Tribe of Endless Hunting. That is a life that they left behind. StarClan."

Shaded Moss looked at her like she had grown three more heads.

"When did you become so creative?"

"When did you become so plain?" Storm retorted.

"Nevermind. That was a perfect name anyways. I will vote on it. I promise."

StarClan.. Perfect name. And son? I want one of the name of the groups to be ThunderClan. I will help you. I promise.

And Clear Sky? I forgive you. Name a clan for me, okay? SkyClan sounds cool...

Ohh, can't anybody see

We've got a war to fight

Never found our way

Regardless of what they say

How can it feel, this wrong

From this moment

How can it feel, this wrong

t h e e n d (sort of.)

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