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Old Classics

The Wizard of Oz- without the Wizard of Oz

Quailfeather: *walking* *sees Brambleclaw*

Brambleclaw: Why are you alive? 

Quailfeather: Because I like cheesy tacos.

Brambleclaw: *turns into a mouse* *scampers away*

Quailfeather: *catches him* *makes him into a cheesy taco using her magical wizard powers*

Firestar: Can I have some of that cheesy taco? I've always wanted to eat Brambleclaw.

Quailfeather: *shrieks like a banshee* "Of course, Firestar! I love cream cheese!

Firestar: *eats the cheesy taco made out of Brambleclaw* *runs away cackling as he turns into the Good Witch of the West*

Dorothy: There is no Good Witch of the West! Gosh, who's writing this?

Forestpaw: I am, Dorothy. You hurt my feelings! *runs away sobbing*

Dorothy: *calls after Forestpaw* Your name is weird!

Quailfeather: Why are you here?

Dorothy: Because I wanted to invite you on my journey on the Yellow Brick Road.

Quailfeather: I wondered why that was there.

Dorothy: Do you want to come?

Quailfeather: No. But I think I know who will want to come. *shoves pile of feathers into Dorothy's face* I know that Bird here loves long, magical journeys! But- he has a cold, and a cough, and the flu, and diarrhea, and altitude sickness, and a fear of long yellow roads, magic, evil witches, and long journeys that involve magic. Have fun!

Dorothy: Come on, Bird! *holds out slimy pile of feathers in front of her as she walks*

Quailfeather: *calls after Dorothy* Make sure he doesn't pee on you!

Dorothy: *runs away*

Bird: *snore*

Dorothy: Eew.

Bird: *snore*

Dorothy: Gross!

Bird: *snort* *snore*

Dorothy: Stop it!

Bird: *falls apart*

Dorothy: *runs away* Nasty! Eew!

Strange creature: I am a strange creature.

Dorothy: Obviously.

Strange creature: Can you use your magic so I'm not a strange creature anymore?

Dorothy: *waves hands* Hocus Pocus!

Strange creature: *turns into a strange cat* Thank you. I hated being one-sixteenth Griffin, one-sixteenth dog, one-sixteenth cat, one-sixteenth fish, one-sixteenth tree, one-sixteenth bird, one-sixteenth duck, one-sixteenth Swishy, and one-half human.

Dorothy: What are you know? *dreads answer*

Strange creature: Oh, just a combination of cat, earth, and human.

Dorothy: How can you be part earth?

Strange creature: *falls apart into large mound of dirt*

Dorothy: Um, okay. Bye! *skips away down the road*

Lion: Help me! I don't have a heart!

Dorothy: How can you not have a heart, if you're alive and breathing and stuff?

Lion: I don't know. I just don't have a heart.

Tinman: I don't have a heart, you nitwit! You don't have any courage!

Lion: I'm too scared to tell her!

Tinman: *sighs* That explains a lot about him.

Dorothy: I'll take you to the Evil Witch of the West and she'll give you a heart, and some courage too!

Lion: But I'm too scared to go! That road looks so scary! So does that tree over there! We must escape! *runs through cornfield*

Tinman: Three, two, one.

Lion: It's too scary! *screams*

Dorothy: You guys, I haven't even made it a mile yet! *looks back at Quailfeather, who is staring at her with a weird look on her face*

Lion: *screams* The world is ending! *runs away* *falls off a cliff*

Tinman: That's the end of him.

Lion: *screams* Blood!

Tinman: ... Or not. Anything can happen in the magical land of Hoogalie.

Quailfeather: *comes over* That lion is weird. Want to come back to my hut where we have dead mice and water on leaves? Hurry, because it's evaporating!

Dorothy: No. I'll go back home to Kansas. *taps shoes three times and disappears*

Quailfeather: Forestpaw, you can come out now.

Forestpaw: I love bombs!

Dorothy: *remains fall around them*

Lion: *screams* The world is ending!

Star Wars- without the Stars

Firestar: I'm bored.

Sandstorm: So am I. What do you want to do?

Firestar: REBEL AGAINST YOU! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... *continues for a long time* Did that sound convincing?

Sandstorm: Yeah- if normal evil laughing is loud and fake!

Firestar: *takes out lightsaber* You don't know the power of the Dark Side!

Sandstorm: I don't, because I've never heard of it.

Forestpaw: But I have!

Firestar: You have?

Forestpaw: Yeah. I have. *takes out cool green lightsaber*

Firestar: *snaps fingers in a Z-formation* Oh, no you didn't!

Forestpaw: I did. Don't do that.

Firestar: Try and stop me! *lunges at Forestpaw*

Sandstorm: Stop it! Those could hurt somebody!

Firestar: Obviously. *cuts Sandstorm's head off*

Lion: *screams* Lightsabers! *runs far away*

Skypaw: He's weird. *pulls out blue lightsaber* Now we shall defeat Darth Firestar!

Tigerstar: *jumps down from tree* Oh, no you won't!

Forestpaw and Skypaw: Darth Tigerstar?

Tigerstar: It's true, you two. Now, run away now. We have things to do.

Forestpaw: What things do you have to do?

Tigerstar: *lunges at Forestpaw* Kill you! *takes out evil red lightsaber*

Forestpaw: Fight!

Forestpaw and Tigerstar: *fight*

Forestpaw and Tigerstar: *fight more*

Forestpaw and Tigerstar: *fight even more*

Forestpaw: *cuts Tigerstar's head off*

Firestar: *runs away squealing like a she-cat*

Forestpaw and Skypaw: It's the fall of Darth Tigerstar and Darth Firestar! Yay! We are heros!

Sandstorm: *comes back to life* No, you're not. *takes out lightsaber*

Forestpaw: *cuts Sandstorm's head off*

Skypaw: Now we are heros! Yay!

All of ThunderClan except for Tigerstar 'cause he's not in it and also he's dead: Yay Forestpaw! Yay Skypaw! Yay for the death of Sandstorm!

Sanstorm: *comes back to life* I'm offended! *dies again*

All of ThunderClan except for Tigerstar 'cause he's not in it and also he's dead: ...

Forestpaw: Let's go get something to eat!

All of ThunderClan except for Forestpaw and Tigerstar ('cause he's not in it and also he's dead): Yay! Tigerstar is yummy!

Newer Movies

Harry Potter- without the Potter

Dustpelt: *walking*

Dustpelt: *is still walking*

Dustpelt: *is still walking after all this time*

Dustpelt: CAN YOU MAKE ME STOP WALKING?

Forestpaw: *makes Dustpelt stop walking* There you go! *mutters curse words under breath*

Dustpelt: No, you're a *@#%#@$$#R6547534^% and a @#%^$%74w24642$^$#! Geez!

Forestpaw: *sobs and runs away*

Dustpelt: Loser.

Tallstar: *jumps out in front of Dustpelt (who is still walking despite Forestpaw's attempts to stop him)* You're a wizard!

Dustpelt: What's that?

Tallstar: You have magical powers (like Quialfeather in "The Wizard of Oz- with no Wizard of Oz")!

Dustpelt: Cool! *makes Tallstar disappear with his magical powers*

Tallstar: Hey! That's not fair!

Dustpelt: Too bad.

Tallstar: *stomps away angrily*

Tigerstar: You can't make me go away!

Dustpelt: Okay, why are you the evil guy in all of the stories so far?

Tigerstar: Because Scourge is on his morning break.

Dustpelt: Oh, that makes sense!

Tigerstar: Open Sesame!

Dustpelt: Hoogalie Boogalie!

Tigerstar: Abracadabra!

Dustpelt: Um... I'm running out of spells. Can we stop so I can think of one?

Tigerstar: Sure!

*dramatic pause while Dustpelt thinks of something*

Dustpelt: Okay, I've got it!

Tigerstar: Okay! Let's start over!

Dustpelt: *takes deep breath*

Dustpelt: *takes another really deep breath*

Dustpelt: Underpantshamburgerfrenchfriescreamcheesecomputerpantsbrashirtjacketpencilpenpapermorecreamcheesesocksboygirlrunjumpskipwalkcursespellnicethingsbadthings...

Tigerstar: *gets turned into a frog*

Dustpelt: Yay! It worked!

Everyone in ThunderClan: Yay! Dustpelt is our hero! Yay!

Sandstorm: *comes back to life* What about me? Am I part of ThunderClan?

Firestar: No, you old frail lunatic!

Sandstorm: *sob* *dies for the third time*

Everyone in ThunderClan except for Sandstor: Yay! Dustpelt is our hero!

Kung Fu Panda- without the Panda

Foxpaw: *is walking*

Dustpelt: *jumps in front of Foxpaw* Two things! One, I've stopped walking! Two, you must go to the kingdom to sell mice!

Foxpaw: *sighs* But I don't like mice.

Dustpelt: Then sell birds.

Foxpaw: Okay! *lugs large cart of birds up stairs*

Foxpaw: *trips*

Cart: *falls down stairs*

Foxpaw: *lugs large cart of birds up stairs*

Foxpaw: *trips*

Cart: *falls down stairs*

Foxpaw: *lugs large cart of birds up stairs*

Foxpaw: *trips*

Cart: *falls down stairs*

Foxpaw: *finally makes it up stairs*

Large fat cat: The Master is...

Foxpaw: *explodes into Kingdom* Who wants birds!

Crowd: We do! *crowds around Foxpaw*

Foxpaw: Hey! No stealing!

Crowd: *runs away*

Large fat cat: You made the crowd go away! What was that for?

Foxpaw: I don't know. I'm not StarClan.

Large fat cat: And the Master is... you! *points tail at Foxpaw*

Foxpaw: Oh, snap.


Foxpaw: *is drinking strange liquid*

Lion: *screams* Strange liquid! *runs away*

Foxpaw: This strange liquid is yummy!

Large fat cat: That's milk.

Foxpaw: *throws away milk* *grabs a different strange liquid* What's this?

Large fat cat: I don't know. *sniffs strange liquid* Oh, um, don't drink that. I made it myself.

Foxpaw: Are you that bad at making tea?

Large fat cat: Actually, anyone can make this tea, with slight variations every time.

Foxpaw: *is confused* Oh, well. *throws away yellow liquid*

Zebra: I am the Kung-Fu Master!

Foxpaw: Obviously, you haven't learned of my good fortune.

Zebra: My name is Zeeba, the Evil Zebra.

Foxpaw: Yeah, an evil fashion statement! *laughs* I mean, look at that pattern! It's horrible! *laughs*

Evil yet Ugly Zeeba: Thanks!

Foxpaw: You're welcome!

Evil yet Ugly Zeeba: Now, where is the scroll that I'm supposed to fight from you?

Foxpaw: *pulls scroll out of mouth* Here. *wipes scroll off*

Evil yet Ugly Zeeba: Cool!

Foxpaw and Evil yet Ugly Zeeba: *fight for scroll*

Foxpaw and Evil yet Ugly Zeeba: *fight more for scroll*

Foxpaw and Evil yet Ugly Zeeba: *fight a lot more for scroll*

Evil yet Ugly Zeeba: *dies*

Foxpaw: Yay! I win!

Random creatures: *celebrate*

Food Products

Toast

Applekit: *walks into breakfast diner* Hi!

Ferncloud: What would you like today?

Applekit: Um... *stares at menu in a strange trance*

Ferncloud: Any day now. I'm not getting paid to stand around. *paws large pile of money that she earned for standing around under the table*

Blackstar: *walks in*

Ferncloud: I hope you know what you want.

Blackstar: I want coffee.

Ferncloud: *makes coffee*

Applekit: I want toast!

Blackstar: Get back to camp. I'll bring the toast.

Forestpaw: You can't boss around my stories! You #$#$%^$^#*!

Blackstar: *gasps* *leaves*

Applekit: Yay! Now I'm the leader!

Ferncloud: Here's Blackstar's coffee and your requested toast. That will be 16 mice.

Applekit: That's really expensive.

Ferncloud: My Clan lives off my business.

Applekit: I have... 3 voles, 2 rabbits, and 5 mice.

Ferncloud: That's all right.

Applekit: *hands 'em over*

Ferncloud: Thank you.

Applekit: Bye! *leaves*

Ferncloud: *walks away*

ThunderClan: *steals the prey and eats it*

Ferncloud: *comes back*

Dictionary: I want a menu, please.

Ferncloud: Okay. *hands Dictionary a menu*

Dictionary: *eats menu*

Ferncloud: *sputters* What- what was that for?!

Dictionary: Yum, good breakfast! 5 stars!

Ferncloud: Have another one!

Toast: I want someone to eat me!

Applekit: I will.

Ferncloud: I thought you left.

Pink unicorn from Charlie the Unicorn: She's sneaky... sneaky... sneaky... *moves legs in curvy motions while lifing off the ground*

Lion: *screams* EEEEEEW! *runs away*

Applekit, Ferncloud, Toast, Dictionary, and ThunderClan: He's weird.

Brambleclaw: I want more mice!

Applekit and Dictionary: *pay and leave*

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