Speech[]
As many of you, I'm becoming a little sick from all these Mary-Sues in fanfictions. But you need to know, that most people create Mary-Sues without knowing it. That's why I decided to do this guide, so you don't do the same mistake ever again.
Chapter I: Proper Name[]
A rainy, stormy night. Finchwing was sitting in front of the nursery, waiting for his mate, Flowerpetal. Medicine cat, Rosefur, came out. "Finchwing, quick! Flowerpetal wants you." Finchwing darted to the nursery. Flowerpetal was lying there, looking as weak as ever. She was protectively curled around her only surviving kit. Other, dead kits, were lying around. "Finchwing... I have a very little life left... Please... I want you to name our only kit..." she broke into a cough. Finchwing nodded. "It will be Starkit, so I will always remember StarClan and you when I see her." he whispered. Flowerpetal nodded weakly and went limp. Finchwing looked at his daughter. She had beautiful golden fur and white chest and paws. Starkit suited her. Appleheart, a queen lying next to them, sighed. "I will take her," muttered Appleheart. Rosefur picked Starkit up and put her down at Appleheart's belly.
Proper name is very important while making a character. The worst mistake you can make is making the name "too beautiful". I highly recommend you not to use any of the following: Glimmer, Gleam, Spark, Sparkle, Moon, Star, Shine, Shimmer... I think you can imagine. What you have just read is perfect example how NOT to make it. The name "Star" is forbidden, altrough I've never read what happens to cat who has name like that. This was the first chapter from Starlight's life.
However, if you are clever like Erins, you can use some of them, but wisely. Shimmercloud and Starlight are Mary-Sue names. With names like that, there is no way how your cat can get out of the Mary-Sue territory. But Erins dealt with those names wisely. For example, two cats had the name "Shimmer" in the series so far. But Erins didn't do Shimmerflower or Shimmercloud - they simply did Shimmerpelt, which has far from the Mary-Sue territory. The same with Shiningheart. Instead of Shiningstar (which many people do) or Shiningmoon they simply did shiningheart, which makes different first impression than Shiningflower.
The same with "Shine". Reedshine, Leafshine and Lakeshine doesn't sound like Mary-Sue names, right?
Second, moon. Erins broke this rule in total two times (Moonflower, Ambermoon). Ambermoon is a good example. Personally, I hate that name, because it makes such a contrast, but it's getting under my skin. So, Erins could do "Silvermoon", "Bluemoon" or "Brightmoon," but they did Ambermoon, which makes no sense, but it's better than Bluemoon. Oh, by the way, in cats' world, there are no exceptions, meaning that when the rule is broken once, the rule no longer exists.
Also, don't use stupid names. But, and here comes the big But, even Erins made this mistake. Good example is Havenpelt.
Chapter II: Description[]
Starkit is small, cute, soft-furred golden tabby she-kit with snow-white chest and small white paws. She has sparkling rainbow eyes.
Another great example how to make Mary-Sue. If you make your cat beautiful, don't make her name too sweet, or if your cat's name is beautiful, don't make him/her too beautiful. Take Shimmerpelt as an example. She is black, but glossy-furred. Makes perfect sense. Shiningheart is a tricky situation, as she is based on real person, excluding that she is StarClan cat, so we will just leave this be. And here comes Sparkpaw, daughter of Bramblestar and Squirrelflight. She is bright ginger, not golden or silver, as many people would imagine. Again, makes sense.
Chapter III: Personality[]
Finchwing was watching Starkit play. She was beautiful, just like her mother. And her personality. She was kind, sweet, loving. She will make a great warrior. Or mother. She was perfect. She played with everyone and soon she find her way to any cat's heart. She had a great destiny, he knew that.
If you already have a character prepared, and it is the exact opposite of what I said here, the only way to save it (well there are more ways :3) is to give him/her interesting personality. For example, take Silverstream as an example. She is pretty and has a nice name, but her personality is pretty though.
You can't make your character without a mistake or a single dark place. That's just too much.
Chapter IV: Destiny[]
Starkit played with Dapplekit, Birdkit, Wingkit and Poolkit. The were so funny! But it was time to sleep, so when Appleheart curled her tail around her and her foster siblings, Starkit closed her sparkling rainbow eyes. She woke up on a beautiful moonlit clearing. A beautiful tortoiseshell was standing in front of her. She looked exhausted, as if she'd come a long way. But her amber eyes were shining with determination. "Starkit, I've come a long way to tell you something. You have a great destiny, to save the Clans, all of them. There is a prophecy about you: Pool waves will rise and try to defeat starlight, but there will be birds with dappled wings to help you." With that, the tortoiseshell started to fade.
Destiny is complicated stuff. The worst mistake you can make is telling your character that he/she has a great destiny, to save Clans and stuff. You might think that it's actually a good start, but telling a kit or cat whatever age that he/she is destinied to be a hero is unidirectional ticket to the Mary-Sue territory.
If you really want to do so or your whole fanfic in hanging on that, just make the prophecy hard to figure out. I made the prophecy so obvious that even Starkit with her head full of rainbows, sparkles and butterflies can understand that. Or maybe not. It obviously says that Poolkit will become evil and Dapplekit, Wingkit and Birdkit will help Starkit on her journey. Oh by the way, if you haven't guessed it already, the tortoiseshell was Spottedleaf. She just seemed perfect for this job (no hate involved).
Chapter V: Past[]
Warning!!! This is about different cat, not Starkit!!!
Flamedawn was kitting and her mate, Hollowstone was standing right next to her. The medicine cat, Willowleaf, was helping her. After an hour of agony, the kitting was over. Five adorable kits were suckling at Flamedawn's belly. "How shall we name them?" asked Hollowstone. Flamedawn blinked. "Well... I would like to name one after Willowleaf. The tabby will be Leafkit." Willowleaf blinked. "Thank you," she muttered. Hollowstone came closer. "And the pale gray she-kit will be Dawnkit, after you, my love." he whispered. "If that, I want the gray tom be called Stonekit," purred Flamedawn loudly. "And the gray tabby she-kit... I know! That will be Mistkit, after the great medicine cat apprentice who helped to deliver them." Nightmist blinked in surprise. "Thank you," she muttered. She then gazed o the fifth kit. "And what about this one?" she asked. The both parents looked at the tiny black she-kit with white splash on her chest. "Spiritkit," muttered Flamedawn.
You might not get this chapter, but it's easy. Spirit- prefix is forbidden, making it another Mary-Sue name. It's nothing wrong with having a happy kithood, but if it's the main character, you might want to spice it up a little. Spiritkit is different from Starkit in the way that she had happy childhood and her own siblings, unlike our other destinied-to-be-mary-sue. If the parents are okay, having perfect relationship (unlike Stormtail and Moonflower), healthy kits that will become warriors and have their kits, and stuff. Also, it's unusual for wild cat to have 5 kits, but it's possible. If you cat is main character and has 5 or more kits (or if it is from a litter of 5 or more kits), it can be considered as being Mary-Sue. It's way better to leave stuff like that to side characters.
Chapter VI: Family[]
I don't really have any written example to put here. As I pointed out in the previous chapter, after having too much kits, your cat can be considered as being Mary-Sue, so I recommend you not to give your cat five or more kts, unless she is a kittypet, which I doubt. Imagine a kit having four or more siblings, a loving mother with father who visits him/her every day, who becomes a warrior and then, along with his/her siblings has more kits... pretty boring, huh?
Epilogue[]
Well done! I hope I helped you with this. If you think there should be another chapter, leave a suggestion! If you keep in mind all of these, none of your character can be accused of being a Mary-Sue! You are still not sure whether is your character Mary-Sue or not? Simply, answer these question in the comments and I'll review your character as soon as I can!
What is your cat's name?
What is your character's gender?
What is his/her description?
Tell me about his/her past!
Does he/she have family?
Does he/she have a mate?
Does he/she have kits? If it's female, how many kits she had? Tell me amount of litters and kits in separate ones!
Describe your cat with three words.
Do other cats like him/her?
Did your cat ever face a discrimination or bullying because of something?
Hope you enjoyed, happy writing wishes you
Pumpkintail