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Contains less than moderate language and corporate meddling


WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE NEW PROPHECY!



FOUR CLANS FOREST TALK SHOW

(With your host, Darkfire)


FOUR CLANS FOREST TALK SHOW

(With your host, Darkfire)

Darkfire: Hello, and welcome to Four Clans Forest Talk. Today we have 7 Guests: Hawkfrost, Brambleclaw, Tigerstar. Tawnypelt, Goldenflower, Mothwing, and Sasha.

Hawkfrost: Hi.

Brambleclaw: I dissociate myself from him.

Tigerstar: BWAHAHAHAHA!

Tawnypelt: (Rolls eyes)

Goldenflower: What am I doing here?

Mothwing: I’m scared.

Sasha: You disappoint me, Mothwing

Tigerstar: Yes. You should be more like Hawkfrost.

Darkfire: You mean dead?

Hawkfrost: Shut up, badger!

Darkfire: I’m not a badger. I hope.

Brambleclaw: Why am I here?

Darkfire: This is our dysfunctional family episode.

Tawnypelt: Whatever

Darkfire: We’re taking calls after the commercial break at 335-0012-FFC.


Kit: Mommy, the twolegs are destroying the forest!

Queen: Don’t worry, Hobokit, we’ll be saved!

Brambleclaw: THAT’S RIGHT! Just call Great Journey Protection Co. and we’ll go on a random journey for some prophecy and save your home! Money back if not completely satisfied.


Brambleclaw: I don’t remember doing a commercial like that…

Goldenflower: That’s because Tigerstar did it for more money.

Tigerstar: My landlord in the Place of No Stars was going to evict me! I needed the cash!

Brambleclaw: What about my intellectual property?

Hawkfrost: Well, since you have no intellect-

Darkfire: Aaaaaaaaand we have our first caller!

(Phone) Squirrelflight: Brambleclaw is nothing like Hawkfrost! Nothing!

Brambleclaw: Thank you, Squirrelflight.

Squirrelflight: And Firestar died while you were doing this show. Ta!

Brambleclaw: WHAT?!!!

Darkfire: Ha ha. I’m sure she was joking. I hope.

Squirrelflight: I. Never. Joke.

Tigerstar: Finally! YES! OH YEA! BO YAH! GO TIGER! GO TIGER! GO TIGER!

Squirrelflight: Except for now. He’s really alive.

Tigerstar and Hawkfrost: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Squirrelflight: BWAHAHAHHAHAHAH! (click)

Darkfire: Just in time for our next commercial!


ThunderClan cat: The other Clans are invading!

ThunderClan queen: I need to go fight!

Kit: NOOO!

Daisy: Need someone to look after your kits while you are battling enemies?

Kit: Yay!

Daisy: Daisy Daycare! Just call 183-234-KITS.


Darkfire: Our next caller is Hobofur:

(Phone) Hobofur: CHERRIES! (click)

Darkfire: Hello?

Hobofur: (silence)

Darkfire: Crap. Now I need to actually have content.

Tigerstar: That’s the problem with this show. You just have the guests and the callers talk and you barely say anything.

Darkfire: Your point being?

Tigerstar: Also, didn’t the studio get burned down last time?

Firestar: Not my fault!

Darkfire: Two words. Negative continuity.

Hawkfrost: Laaaaaaaaame.

Mothwing: (runs away)

Sasha: Oh no you don’t! (stops Mothwing.)

Mothwing: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Hawkfrost: Chicken!

Darkfire: What’s a chicken?

Hawkfrost: I don’t know…

Darkfire: Finally! It’s commercial time!


(Static)


Darkfire: What the…?

Stagehand Cat: Our sponsors no longer sponsor us.


Darkfire: Ummmm…. Goodbye everyone! We’ll see you next time if we can find a sponsor!

Tigerstar: OBEY!


THE END

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